“feeling tired, sluggish, completely inadequate??? REJOICE!!!

 it is the perfect opportunity to rely on ME in childlike faith” –Jesus

So i must apologize for going off the grid for almost 2 months!  If we’re being honest i have had no motivation to sit down and think about how i am feeling or start pondering big questions.  Not to mention my one month of rest plan (where i would take a month off to recharge and after those 30 days i would be back at 100%) has been failing miserably.  How foolish of me, I should’ve known better, God’s plans always dominate mine!  Needless to say I'm still sick and it’s been very frustrating (i was diagnosed with sinusitis and bronchitis on monday and am now hopped up on drugs, aka watch out phlegm you’re abouts to be evicted!)

Ok moving on – there are much more exciting wonderful things afoot!  I am SO delighted to report that while I have been struggling with depression, frustration, and quite a bit too much fear God has been faithful! huzzah!
This morning i read Isaiah 30.20-21

“Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.  Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying “this is the way, walk in it”

One of the hardest things i have been facing is feeling distant from God.  Confused on where to turn, what to do, why sucky things happen, not feeling like i was hearing much, etc.  This passage  immediately filled me with new hope!  Last night, I was offered a job at the dermatology clinic where  i worked before i left for Costa Rica.  Not only that but i got a raise!  say whaat!?!? I KNOW!   The thing about this verse in Isaiah –  it emphasises that I need to make the turn first it’s way easier for God to move something with momentum over something stationary (like saaay someone who lives in her pjs on the couch…).  Sometimes we get caught up in the fear and our feet get stuck and we stand there in the same spot screaming “aah God why have you forsaken me?? where is my direction?! I want a hug!!!”  when reality is we need to first take the steps out  in faith trusting that if we are going the wrong way we will be redirected! 

So right now i am stepping out, taking a job (which is seemingly temporary,who knows what doors will opened).  I am not allowing myself to even consider going out into the field again until I'm completely recharged and healthy – not only physically but spiritually as well.  Picture it this way a watering can is not so productive when empty.  When watering the garden you take your can (full) and shower the soil then once it’s empty you take it back to the tap to be refilled until it is overflowing; so much so that it spills out while you are walking back to the garden.  I want to get back to the place where i am overflowing with the spirits of living water which cannot be contained so that while God is carrying me back to the garden I'm splashing out everywhere!  I do not know where my garden is or when i get to go, but i do know that i am in good hands and it doesn’t matter where the water lands the important part is that there is water to spill!

PRAYER
(ps did i tell you I'm so thankful for people taking the time to pray for me, i feel so special!)

• I want to be heaaalthyyyy!!!  so please pray that the medications work quickly so i can finally drop the illness be congestion-free and have an immune system stronger than Samson!
• For a softened and open heart eager to be taught and alert to the plethora of joy, grace, and learning opportunities each day has to offer.
• For continued grace and peace knowing i am where i am supposed to be right now and that my peeps' to the south are in good hands.

• That each day will bring me into more intimate relationship with God and he will fill me with wisdom, patience, and confidence so i can fearlessly discern  the paths to take.

*cough PFFFFFFFF! *sniffle sniffle blaaaah

gah so I've been meaning to write a wonderful piece about what God’s been teaching me and how I've been coping with the transition back.  However it’s been put on hold because i have death gripe (aka extreme disgust flu) case in point its hard to not be miserable.  It wasn’t so bad last week when it was a minor cold and i could spend my day playing the dance party game my mom has for our Wii.  But sadly, I've been getting worse and each day has come with less energy, less sleep, and more mocus (my friends down south would be ecstatic as they have a weird fascination with picking my nose)…i don’t even know if i would mind that much as it would block the dripage… haha eww tmi

Aaaanyways , Jesus is pretty clear when he calls us to “be joyful always”  _{1 thes 5.16}  so I've been trying to stay positive and not give into the crazy thoughts that tend to pass through and attempt to camp out when trapped on the couch for what seems like endless hours at a time.  Normally what helps me feel better is to remember all the awesome stuff I've been given and compile things that I'm grateful for (and lets face it I've got excess, the big guy has been super generous with me). It’s sadly so easy to focus on the negatives, but if you take like 5 minutes to step back and honestly look at what’s there wooo! one can’t help but find her smile. Lets take a gander at just 3:

number 1: aaah i know this gets out all the time but i am truly blessed with wonderful relationships down south and one of the BEST feelings is picking up my phone or opening my email to find that while i may be out of sight I'm not out of mind... i have been showered NO drenched with messages of encouragement, love, updates, questions, and all the usual antics from my latin familia. I'm very lucky!

number 2: my support system, even when crazy irrational kayla is near there is no fear! Just love, prayers, encouragement, and a huge dose of undeserved compliments.

EEEK number 3!!!: if all else fails I'm SO DELIGHTED that God made platypuses AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THEM!!!!

*sigh, I'm pretty sure if you could see the gigantic smile that has overtaken my face strictly on looking at this picture alone you’d need to go change your pants because you just pee’d them from laughing so hard.

bahaha that’s enough for now, please pray i get better ASAP love kayla :)!

SORPRESA!!!!!! WAaaaaaaaaaaaaAAA????

Just an update for the church up north :)

HEY CEDAR GROVE!!!!!!!!

So this is just what i whipped up for Missions Fest 2012.

campa campa campaaaaa!!!!

heyhey happy new year er’body!!! so camp case and point was super prime! It was SO incredibly amazing that i can’t even begin to describe how awesome it truly was.  I love camp so much it provides such a wonderful opportunity it challenges and opens doors that would at times be impossible (or seemingly) back in “the real world” aaah YAY CAMP! I got to co-lead a cabin with Fran (the other coach on the soccer team) filled with girls from the soccer team.  Sooo case in point it was awesome!  As I'm sure many of you have now seen the facebook pictures there was a LOT of mud and activities involving said mud.  Which was a good thing because as one friend pointed out to me if i had not been covered head to toe she probably would have been blinded by my pasty complexion.. haha sad face.  Anyways back to more important things God was seriously at work!  There was a sense of safety and comfort  it was clearly translating to the kids because they were opening up about serious stuff, sharing their thoughts, asking questions and ooooh man the Holy Spirit was hooking some people up!  Legit decisions were being made, we gained a ton of momentum – seeds that had been sewn months, even years, ago were sprouting up!  I just read through my friends Seth and Andrea’s blog and they nailed it to a tee hence you should check it out to get a better summary or how totally prime this Jesus character is!!!

PRAYER: Please pray that these kids don’t fall into doubt, that God reaffirms what he was speaking to them and for them to have courage and strength to stand up for what’s legit and not to fall back into old habits.  Pray for their protection as they are now back in sketchy environments.

I know I've dropped the ball a little bit with videos but don’t worry there will be an aMAzing one coming soon but until then hopefully these fotos will suffice!

just a quick peek at camp VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

proverbs 31

  you eskimoo!!!!! hahahaha! that was for my mom, pretty sure she just peed her pants! (for those of you not coming from my facebook the question was how do you call an eskimo cow?)

      Okay on to business, today started routine, normal bus rides, normal walk.  then i got into work.  i opened the gate and within minutes was rebuked in front of all the girls i was about to lead in a devotional – talk about embarrassing.  Not the ideal way to start out the day BUT God has a purpose for everything.  The girls witnessed my reaction (which was calm and non-confrontational woop woop!).  Once the study started I had their complete attention (que milagro!).  I was so nervous about this study too because historically they don’t give much feedback and tend to just stare at you blankly, it can get awkward.  NOT today!  It was so exciting I had their full attention and I got to talk about the proverbs 31 woman and why she’s so awesome and how i believe that each and everyone of them has the potential to be her!  We talked (because YES they gave me feedback – i asked each of them to share which part stood out to them and why).  AH! It was SO awesome!  Not only did each one contribute but they did so with enthusiasm and they really seemed to embrace what i was trying to get across to them.  I was so encouraged! 

One of the girls, Fabiola, shared that her favourite part was verse 18

“She sees that her trading is profitable,
   and her lamp does not go out at night.”

Out of all the verses this had to be the one that struck me the least, but for her it was encouraging to see that this woman never gives up that she’s always alert.   I have to be honest it had never even crossed my mind when i read it.  That’s what i love about opening up the floor to others, different perspectives!

 

     We had one boy in the group (because our classes are now co-ed!!!! (answer to prayer right there!) Andrew, liked:

  “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”

     How encouraging!  He went on to explain exactly what the girls needed to hear.  How its better to have someone who’s legit on the inside over some babe with nothing adentro.  It sounds super lame and cheesy but you could just sense the confidence being injected.  The smiles on the girls’ faces ooooh!  I’m sure i probably freaked them out with how zesty and excited i was…well actually probably not, i kind of excite easily haha whatever it was really awesome!

 

     Down here there is a profound oppressive sense of settling for what’s right in front of you or for routine (even if the routine is consistently ineffective , what’s the definition of insanity again?);  aspiring for things but not putting in the time to make a legit effort; not following through; no need to reach farther than your arm stretches, a learned helplessness… it can really wear a girl down.   But i walked, bueno,  more like floated away from the study feeling super pumped!!!

     For awhile now I've been pondering over my future and what I'm supposed to be doing with this delightful blessing of a life…

  what are your motives?  why are you here?   How can you learn from your seemingly endless list of mistakes? where is God leading?…

     I don’t have the answers for all of them but I've pinpointed a few.  My motives i think are pretty clear I want to serve, i want to obey, case and point i want to be in God’s will.  i want to see everyone as head over heels in love with Jesus as i am.   I have no idea what that means as far as a job, missions, or anything really… I'm a disorganized bundle of confusion these days but i do know that as long as i am searching and asking God’s gona hook me up, maybe not how i had hoped or imagined but He’s not going to leave out to dry.  Therefore I'm going to enjoy my last few months as much as possible – i will not shut down even if that means spontaneously tearing up and feeling like my heart is being ripped out becomes a daily occurrence.  I don’t want a safe “cookie cutter” route, sometimes its easy to long for one, for the simplicity, but then reality comes back i cringe and get claustrophobic.  Life is untamed it is unsafe, especially when God’s hitting the gas pedal!  He is not safe – he’s like the antithesis of it actually, his paths would not be described as kiddie trails, however He is good and worth the risk so…“[I] will laugh at the days to come” v25

…muahaha!!  right now its like that scared nervous laugh but I'm trying to grow it into a hearty Santa-esque chuckle….one that comes from the gut!

                   Feliz Navidad!!!

he ain’t heavy he’s my brother!

so as you all know, or now know graham came down to visit (the 5-13th) and for the most part it was awesome! I tried my best to show him around my world down here.   We played baseball and tossed the pigskin, did some hiking, went to kids club, he sat in on some of my classes, i just started teaching a girls devotional and he was here for my first one, i showed him off around town, he got some marriage proposals…

We also took the opportunity of his visit as a good excuse to escape my routine and drag me out of carpio to see other parts of costa rica.  We rented a car (eeeek! i know i drove! it was SO PRIME!)  so we could  hit up some volcanos, a beach, trekked through some coffee fields, admired some ruins..we just soaked in as much as we could!

basically it was really crazy to have graham here – it felt like a dream.  It was so awesome to be able to smush parts of both my worlds together. i threw together a little video to try and capture our week so you can pretend you were there with us…

also i just wanted to thank everyone who took the time to send something down with him…it was SO wonderful!!! I sent you all big hugs…hopefully you got them!!!